shepcrew: (John Sheppard -- Hurt)
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[ooc: this takes place shortly after "Sunday". For our purposes the role of Doctor Jennifer Keller will be played by Jessica Alba, and not Jewel Staite, because frankly, it's less head-hurty that way.]

John trudged down the hallways, trying to scrub the images burned into his visit to the infirmary just now. Carson was in somewhat stable condition and Teyla was sleeping peacefully. The new doctor, Jennifer Keller, was monitoring both of them, as well as taking care of the rest of the aftermath of recent events. While John was thankful that Carson managed to clear much of the blast, the poor Marine on the bomb-squad wasn't so lucky. The Colonel had yet another letter to write to another family, explaining without somehow managing to breach security clearance that their father-brother-husband-son had been killed in the line of duty.

He hated this part of his job and wished like hell that Elizabeth would do it. She had, during that first year, but only because he was too busy scouting out Alpha Sites and doing Recon missions to prep for the arrival of the Wraith. Since then, it had fallen to him, another pile of paperwork to go with all the beauracratic red-tape dodging that came with the job. Hence, the trudging, and the semi-shuffling of his feet as he made his way back to his room, hand trailing absently along a wall here or there, eyes unseeing as he passed friends and collegues. Everyone had been through the same torment and trauma as he had, and it showed. Repair teams were busy fixing both hallways, the Science Department was down closing off the room with the tumour-making machine so no one else would make the mistake of going in there and messing with things. Rodney said that the schematics were in the database, so they'd study the thing inside and out and find a way to dismantle it.

And outside of all that, life went on within the city. John had a feeling that Doctor Heightmeyer would be incredibly busy in the coming weeks, as folks began to deal with the on-set of post-traumatic stress. He knew it was only a matter of time before Elizabeth ordered him to do the same, so he had booked an appontment for early next week. No harm in being pro-active, after all. And it may just put him in Elizabeth's good graces for a while to come.

He stepped into his room and fell backwards onto his bed, not even bothering to change out of his uniform. Everything was still set up as he and Ronon had left it, and gosh that had seemed like years ago...


Date: 2008-02-03 01:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Elizabeth had intercepted her as soon as she'd stepped through the 'Gate to explain the somewhat cryptic and alarming message they'd greeted her with. The explanation wasn't much less worrying than the cryptic message, although at least she arrived after it was all over bar the worrying.

And once she'd heard what had happened she made her way straight to John's quarters. He was off duty for the moment, although probably on call. If he wasn't in the infirmary that was where he would be, she thought.

Date: 2008-02-03 01:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hands folded on his stomach, eyes staring at the ceiling, he didn't flinch when she entered. Perhaps a slow blink, a deep sigh, a lick at his lips but nothing more.

He's still trying to wrap his head around a few things, the least of which being how close he nearly came to losing two friends.

As she nears, his head will finally tilt in her general direction and his lips will quirk up into a very tired, slightly sad, only a tad forced smile.

Date: 2008-02-03 01:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
She settles down on the floor next to his bed, next to his head and shoulders. After everything she'd heard she wasn't sure if he would want to talk about it and get it out or just remain silent and twisted up, but she would be there in either case.

She reached out, one hand lightly covering his. She didn't ask; she couldn't think of a question that she'd be certain he'd be inclined to answer, however briefly.

Date: 2008-02-03 02:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
His other hand covers hers and he sighs, this time in a letting loose sort of way, trying to ease the knot inside. He's not sure how much he wants to talk, either. Part of him just wants to be quiet, another part wants to kick her out for a while, and yet another wants to cling to her like there's no tomorrow.

"I'm sorry you had to come home to this," he says, startling himself a little with the sound of his voice. Man, he sounded tired. And done. Take the rest of the day off, Sheppard. Seriously.
Edited Date: 2008-02-03 02:01 am (UTC)

Date: 2008-02-03 02:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
There wasn't anything you could have done, she wants to say, and somehow feels that's not what he needs to hear right now at all. So instead all she can come up with to reassure him is, "I'm here now."

Which is sort of to say she's sorry she wasn't there before. And sort of to say she wants him to relax, to take from her what he needs and just, rest. Let himself rest. And partly just to reassure him that if he does want to brood or mourn alone, she'll go find some other part of Atlantis that needs her help for a while. That she's not going anywhere.

Date: 2008-02-03 02:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"I know." He rubs his thumb over the back of her hand, still a little absent. And he seems to come to some sort of decision, as his fingers wrap around her hand and tug gently.

He turns to face her and moves back a little, making room for her. "C'mon," he says softly, eyes still a little hollow.

Date: 2008-02-03 02:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
She rises gracefully and settles next to him as he tugs her, still quiet, just settling in for the moment to be with him.

She knows the basics of what happened. How he feels about it is... well, some of it's evident. And the rest, she'll tease what she can out of him so it doesn't fester and hold him through it all, and let go of what she can't help.

She's long since accepted that there are some things about Sheppard that she simply can't help as much as she might want to. And maybe that helps more than anything.

Date: 2008-02-03 02:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
He snuggles into her, hiding his face in her hair and breathing deep. One hand threads through the strands, and his eyes play over her face. "I love you," he whispers. Because after the last several hours, he wants to make sure she knows. Just in case.

And perhaps there's something in his eyes that speaks more to weariness than to hurt, and the burden of command still sits heavy on his shoulders.

Date: 2008-02-03 03:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
She smiles, and if it's touched with sadness there's calm steadiness too underneath that. Her palm rests, fingers spread, over his heart for a moment as she snuggles back and holds him tightly.

"I love you." It's not as though she isn't used to this, moments of urgency underscoring the need to say ... it's why, after all, they part ways through the gate with those words, and why they greet each other always saying how much they missed and care for each other.

It's not as though she hasn't seen that look before, even on him, and she knows what it means. She just holds him, willing to share as much as she can, to listen or just to be there. She knows better than to try and suggest he lay it down, or try and take that burden from him in some sort of clumsy manner. She also knows better than to ask outright, as precarious as this is.

Date: 2008-02-03 08:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
He closes his eyes for a long moment, just resting in her presence. As he looks at her again, the smile that plays over his lips is a wry one. "Wished you were here, earlier," he says, voice catching a little. And by earlier he means before the bad stuff. "Coulda watched Ronon mop the floor with me again."

Because if he tries to talk about the other stuff right now...he can't, not yet.

Date: 2008-02-03 10:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
She laughs softly, gently, hugging him a little tighter. "I thought this was supposed to be a rest day. You find getting beaten up by Ronon restful?" she teases gently.

Leaving the other stuff aside for now. Pretend, at least in out loud conversation that everything's normal. Hold on tight, protective, cradling him anyway, because it isn't.

Date: 2008-02-04 11:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"Well," he says with a sheepish smile. "It was Ronon's idea. He was getting bored with the golf. After a couple rounds of Ronon's little game I dragged him here for some tunes and munchies." And Guy Talk.

He seems to be settling a bit, relaxation a long way away but still not outside the realm of possibility.

Date: 2008-02-05 12:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"Of course it was Ronon's idea," she smiles softly back, kissing his forehead. "I wouldn't expect it would be your idea to get beat up."

She figures Guy Talk is involved; it usually is. And in accordance with the Guy-Girl treaty, she doesn't ask yet. Just threads her fingers through his hair, rubs his shoulder lightly.

Date: 2008-02-05 01:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"Nah. I get beat up enough at work." He closes his eyes as her fingers thread through his hair, and leans into her touches. "And I'm sorry to say I have no gossip for you," he adds, snuggling into the bed a little. "Ronon's worse than I am when it comes to talking."

Date: 2008-02-05 01:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"I suppose I guessed that." Mostly she just pets him, being there, warm and steady for him to talk to, settle down. "Well, should I ask what you two talked about, or was it guy stuff?"

Gently teasing. The way a woman does with the man she loves.

Date: 2008-02-05 02:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
A light shrug. Off-handed, "We talked about girls, mainly. He wondered when you and I were getting married, I wondered if he was ever going to make new friends..."

Date: 2008-02-05 02:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Her fingers stilled in their movements through his hair and down his cheek. "... getting married?" Somewhere between incredulity and amusement. "I... didn't know he was... he thought..."

She really just wasn't sure what to say to that.

Date: 2008-02-05 02:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
She gets a tired grin for her reaction. And another light shrug, and then he's giving her that scrunchy-faced look he gets when he's admitting to necessary actions and confessions as he says, "I had to tell him I wasn't very good at the marriage thing and that even if I was I have no idea what the rules are on your end."

And somehow? The way he says it? Denotes he really wasn't making up anything he told Ronon.

Edited Date: 2008-02-05 02:22 am (UTC)

Date: 2008-02-05 02:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"Well." She sits up a little, shifts so that they can look at each other, because this is turning into one of those conversations. Possibly distracting from one emotionally laden conversation by having another, but still.

"Should that become an issue..." And the way she says it seems to say that she's already thought about it, that she's made her decision inasmuch as there is a decision to make at the moment. "It won't be a matter of rules, I'll resign."

Her fingers trail lightly up and down his shoulder, down his arm. There was more to that but she isn't sure now's the right time. "Why do you say you're not very good at marriage?" Although she'll leave it alone if he shrugs and says he's just not. That, too, is implied.

Date: 2008-02-05 02:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
He's bemused by her answer. "You'd resign? Wow." He blinks, shakes it off, not wanting to think too hard on what it is she's really just said right this second.

He sits up a little too, just so he's still on the same eye-level as her. She gets the shrug, but instead of the simple declaration that he's not, she gets, "Tried it once. Didn't work so well."

A partial smile, and he adds, "You'd resign for me?" He'd be worth that? Huh. Whaddya know?
Edited Date: 2008-02-05 02:41 am (UTC)

Date: 2008-02-05 02:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"Yes." Is all she says, simply, and smiling. Of course he'd be worth that. She might have done it sooner ago, but that she still hadn't quite yet found her balance from the first realization of love, and then it was a matter of selecting her appointments with much greater care, both keeping John in mind and keeping the Guild from knowing she was breaking several basic rules.

And she is a little curious about what happened. Especially as they've settled into life together fairly well.

She kind of wants to ask. But lets it show more in the quizzical look and tilt of her head, a slightly wry smile that knows how complicated things can be between two people, rather than a direct question. "The institution can be... different, in expectation, than the actual work of spending your life with someone."

Date: 2008-02-06 12:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"Yeah, and I think one or both of us missed the memo on that," he replies with a tiny sigh. "I suppose it isn't important now, since what's done is done."

Date: 2008-02-06 01:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"What's done is done." She nods, thoughtful, brushing a kiss over her temple. "But is it worth examining so as not to repeat the same mistakes?"

The question is sort of two-fold, does he anticipate making the same mistakes, and does he anticipate being in ... the same sort of situation to make them, married.

Date: 2008-02-07 11:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"I honestly hadn't thought of it. I..." shrug. I've only been trying to run from it forever.

Too bad River wasn't here. She'd set him straight.

Date: 2008-02-09 04:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It explained a little, that kind of thinking. That kind of idea of marriage, once bitten and shying away for the rest of his life. So all she said was "Oh." and she snuggled him a little more.

They didn't need to talk about this right now, either. At least he seemed to be calmer, more able to rest.

Date: 2008-02-17 01:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
He did seem calmer, but he still needed distraction from his thoughts. They kept straying to the infirmary where his friends were and that merely led him to go over what had happened which would make him agitated...

No, better to keep talking. So, to her oh, he adds a slightly hopeful, "Maybe...." rethinks his sentence, then uses the pause in conversation to change the subject. "How're things?"

Date: 2008-02-20 02:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"Things..." She sifted through the various and sundry news tidbits, none of them by themselves momentous, all of them making up the domestic day to day that might comfort and help him.

"Well," she smiles ruefully. "It might be an exaggeration to say that things go well. They don't go badly?" There's that smile for him, that's sheepish and amused and wryly affectionate for her crew and Captain all at once.

"No one's been shot lately... actually, I've been thinking of posting a sign on the ship. So-and-so many days since someone's been shot." Because, really. And it's usually either Jayne or Mal. "Kaylee's been pining for fresh fruit, though. It's been some time since they've been planet-side on any place that could afford to trade them in food goods, so I've been begged to see what I could smuggle back."

Date: 2008-02-20 06:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
He actually manages a chuckle at that. "I'd post something like that here, but it would have to be in hours, not days. Possibly minutes." Tiny sigh. "I'm sure the Athosians'll have something for her. We can plan a trip over there if you'd like."

Date: 2008-02-21 01:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
She smiles softly, shyly. "I'd like that. And I know Kaylee would, too." There with a touch of amusement because Kaylee really does almost aggressively appreciate fresh fruit and vegetables.

Then again, enough time out in space will do that to you.

Date: 2008-02-23 05:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
He grins. It's a tired grin, but a grin nonetheless. "How about we hog-tie Kaylee and take her to meet the Athosians? They'd love to make a new friend."

Date: 2008-02-24 02:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
She likes that grin. Even tired, it's good to see him smile. A relief, right now. "And I think she'd love to meet them. That sounds like a wonderful idea."

Date: 2008-03-05 02:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"Let me know what works for both of you and I'll set it up." And with a sigh, he falls silent, hand absently rubbing whatever part of Inara is under it. He's not even sure.

Date: 2008-03-05 10:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"Thank you," softly.

Lips brushed over skin, and she watched him with lingering concern for a little while before relaxing against him.

It had been like this, she sort of remembered, on Serenity. At least once that she could think of. More than once, most likely.

"I love you," she murmured. It seemed important to say, now.

Date: 2008-03-16 02:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"Even when I have to be Cold-Hearted, Distant Military-Guy?" The question is the barest of whispers, and he isn't even sure he's said the words out loud.

Date: 2008-03-16 04:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"Even then," she asserts, thinking. The words are there, they just need to go in the proper order.

"If you were that person all the time, we wouldn't be where we are now. And if it is only a moment in time, it doesn't stand against the weight of all those other moments we've had together, and what that has built."

There's a moments pause, and then she hugs him a little tighter. "Perhaps especially then." As it seems he needs it more, times like those. "If more quietly."

Date: 2008-03-16 01:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
He gently shifts them so he can look her in the eye, hand cupping her cheek. "And if that radio goes off right now, and I have to leave with no explanations, no time for goodbyes or I love yous, and no one can tell you what's going on?"

Date: 2008-03-16 10:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"Then I have a context to put that in," she looks right back at him, steadily, softly, with love and deep affection and all due solemnity. "Which is that relationship that we have built, and knowing that you do what you do, which sometimes involves risk and secrecy. I accepted that when I decided I wanted you in my life, John."

Date: 2008-03-16 10:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
What if the secrets become too much? he wants to ask, but somehow he feels it may come across as either a means to try everything in his power to push her away, or force her to say what he wants to hear.

He swallows thickly and nods, though the motion is barely perceptible, and smooths his hand across her cheek before allowing her lay back down.

Date: 2008-03-16 11:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
She knows he's troubled. It's so easy to see, and she doesn't want to push either, not when they've just been talking about secrets and silence. But she wants to ease his mind, and she isn't sure how.

In the end all she can think of to do is snuggle down against him, tracing her fingertips lightly up and down the curve of his shoulder.

Date: 2008-03-16 11:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
After a long silence, he says, "If I'm ever on the verge of..." but he has no idea what the middle of the sentence should be - something about losing her or pushing her away or something, he thinks - save that it ends with, "..I uh, I want you to tell me. Beat me. ...Whatever."

Date: 2008-03-17 12:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
She has to think about that for a second, filling in the missing words.

Finally, she just sighs. "Love..." But. But she doesn't want to bring any of that up again, spin this out longer than she has to. "All right. I will." And she hugs him tight.

Date: 2008-03-17 12:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
He hugs her back just as tightly and it's not clinging, really it isn't. It's been a really bad day, despite the fact that it started out okay, but he supposes...he supposes that it could have been a hell of a lot worse.

He presses a kiss to her temple, and figures he's probably ready to pass out for the night.

[You're back. Ish. *sends McKay and Zalenka over to stand over your compy to make it behave...*]

Date: 2008-03-17 12:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
She just holds him, stroking along his shoulder, slipping her fingers through his hair when she can. She still isn't sure what it was about this day that seemed to bring up every fear he had... or perhaps it was nothing logical, nothing sequited, simply stress and the horrors of the day.

Whatever it is, and whatever fears he may have, she still isn't going anywhere. And she'll hold him until he sleeps, and be there when he wakes up the next morning.

[I seem to be. I'm tryin not to get my hopes up because we've thought that before... On the other hand, they DID fix the wireless.]

Date: 2008-03-18 01:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It takes him a little to actually fall asleep, and before he does so, he gives her a gentle squeeze, managing to pass out as he presses another kiss to the top of her head.

[*wants fic of John and Inara in some of the situations he and Nancy may have been in* Specially ones mentioned in Outcast.]

Date: 2008-03-19 03:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
[I suppose that's going on the list, then? *g* I'm giving my computer until Saturday to crash before I call it fixed. But. There may yet be fic in the future. Or you could start an RP thread. *evil grin*]

Date: 2008-03-20 01:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
[We could always do both? Fic-wise, I'm more curious about Inara's POV more than anything, since I think we're all fairly familiar with Shep's. RP-wise, it would just be fun angst to indulge in. You know, if angst can be classified as fun. ]


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